A friend asked me to share my thoughts on girls asking guys out on dates, so here it goes.
While the traditional dating mindset dictates that a girl asking a guy out is unordinary, I think that (like most things) it is what you make of it. You know, the glass half empty/half full concept. The girl doing the asking could be viewed negatively, as if she’s desperate for a date. Or the girl could be viewed admirably as someone who is brave enough to think and act outside the box. I think a common mistake is to wrinkle up one’s nose and instantly dismiss the notion without looking at the particulars of a given situation.
That said, I have a few thoughts (guidelines if you will) on how this practice might be approached. To the girls who may consider using this tactic:
You should only go out once (as the direct result of you asking); let the guy take things from there. If you take it any further than one date, then you could be setting a poor precedent on which any foundation would be built upon (unless you have an overwhelming desire to wear the pants in the relationship and you think the dude you’re crushing on is cool with that. . .). Also, you can’t expect a second date merely because you asked the guy out. That’s a mild form of quid pro quo, and certainly is not a healthy dating principle.
To me, the role reversal is most appropriate after you shut a guy down – whether intentionally (but later have a change of heart) or unintentionally – this may be the only way to ever know if dating will ever work for you two. Once rejected, most guys will likely not consider asking you out again. Going out on a limb sucks to begin with, and having that limb chopped while you’re out there is even worse, so if the guy feels like he’s been served up a plate of rejection then he likely has a bad association with whomever played the part of server. It’s typically easier to move on to the next girl who hasn’t shut him down. So, if you don’t want the opportunity to pass you by, take initiative and throw him a bone! You may not even need to ask him out; just more attention and some flirting will often be enough. It does depend on how big the serving of rejection was though, so keep that in mind (from the guy’s perspective, the best you can).
Those are my thoughts. If you have anything to add or any follow-up questions, feel free to leave a comment!
6 comments:
I am 100% against girls asking guys out on dates. It really is awkward. Because many girls still expect the guy to pay and to pick them up and drive and things. It really is a whole awkward role reversal mess up. I hate it, and will NEVER do it!
I say if you want an "old fashioned" wife you have to be an "old fashioned" guy. I believe in gender roles. You be the boy I'll be the girl. Because those are the roles I want to continue to have throughout the relationship!
I'm on your side and totally agree with the guidelines...especially the fact that a girl should ask a guy out if she has previously shot him down. The thought that her batting her eyes at him and being flirtatious will register in his mind as "oh she must like me...yeah she shot me down when I asked her out but wow, look she's flirting with me so I must have read her shooting me down signal wrong" is ridiculous. Girls have to make some effort sometime. A girl asking a guy out can be "hey we should play tennis sometime" it doesn't have to be a "would you like to go to dinner and movie with me?" That's all. Oh and btw, Hi Matt I haven't seen you since my 69th ward days, hope you're doing great.
Hmm...I'm mostly against this idea. For one thing, you can't expect (most) girls to break out of an etiquette shell that has been in place for hundreds of years. Just like you wouldn't slap a girl, I wouldn't ask a boy on a date. That's just the way it is. HOWEVER, I do think it is totally fine to do other things. Like for instance get a group of friends together and say to the guy, "Hey a bunch of my friends and I are going to this movie, would you like to come with us?" Then it's not a date and it's a friendly gathering. I've done that before. I also think that's the way to go if the girl has shot the guy down before. That protects both people's feelings because it's not a big deal for the girl to ask something like that so if the guy says no because maybe he's not interested anymore, it's not as huge of a deal as shutting down a date. I also completely believe in just putting the ball in the guy's court. If he says he loves ------, and it's a common interest, the girl should let the guy know and BAM. The ball is in his court now. Not just for dating interest but also just as friends.
I might have been the first to read your post on dating role reversal. I've been mulling it around in my head before commenting.
I don't see any problem with a girl asking a guy out on a date just for fun. Especially when guys don't seem to be doing too much of the "asking girls out" these days. I've asked guys out and I do NOT do so in hopes that they'll return the favor. Mostly I ask them out just for fun, because I want to go out. I typically only take guys on group dates, so as not to startle them too much. I hate that people think a girl asking a guy out means she's all over him, or else she doesn't understand how dating is "supposed to be." As far as I can tell, dating in this day and age ain't so typical as Elder Oaks (and the rest of the brethren) would like it to be.
In a perfect world, guys would be asking me out more frequently than they do. Alas, since this world is NOT perfect, I sometimes swallow my pride and do the asking.
I don't LOVE asking guys out, but it usually ends up being fun. And, if I do the asking, I sure as heck pick them up and plan it out and pay for it, just to clear the air.
Okay, I will now step off my high horse. This is all... :)
I'm ready for a new post, Matt! :)
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