Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Dating role reversal

A friend asked me to share my thoughts on girls asking guys out on dates, so here it goes.

While the traditional dating mindset dictates that a girl asking a guy out is unordinary, I think that (like most things) it is what you make of it. You know, the glass half empty/half full concept. The girl doing the asking could be viewed negatively, as if she’s desperate for a date. Or the girl could be viewed admirably as someone who is brave enough to think and act outside the box. I think a common mistake is to wrinkle up one’s nose and instantly dismiss the notion without looking at the particulars of a given situation.

That said, I have a few thoughts (guidelines if you will) on how this practice might be approached. To the girls who may consider using this tactic:

You should only go out once (as the direct result of you asking); let the guy take things from there. If you take it any further than one date, then you could be setting a poor precedent on which any foundation would be built upon (unless you have an overwhelming desire to wear the pants in the relationship and you think the dude you’re crushing on is cool with that. . .). Also, you can’t expect a second date merely because you asked the guy out. That’s a mild form of quid pro quo, and certainly is not a healthy dating principle.

To me, the role reversal is most appropriate after you shut a guy down – whether intentionally (but later have a change of heart) or unintentionally – this may be the only way to ever know if dating will ever work for you two. Once rejected, most guys will likely not consider asking you out again. Going out on a limb sucks to begin with, and having that limb chopped while you’re out there is even worse, so if the guy feels like he’s been served up a plate of rejection then he likely has a bad association with whomever played the part of server. It’s typically easier to move on to the next girl who hasn’t shut him down. So, if you don’t want the opportunity to pass you by, take initiative and throw him a bone! You may not even need to ask him out; just more attention and some flirting will often be enough. It does depend on how big the serving of rejection was though, so keep that in mind (from the guy’s perspective, the best you can).

Those are my thoughts. If you have anything to add or any follow-up questions, feel free to leave a comment!